7 Things You Should Avoid Saying to a New Mom

7 Things You Should Never Say to a New Mom

7 Things You Should Avoid Saying to a New Mom

I recognize that I may have been grumpier than the average newbie mama bear (I Almost Ate My Professor for Lunch - Graduate School and Pregnancy). That said, I want to share with you the most annoying things that people said to me in the first few weeks after my child was born. 

Here they are:

7 Things You Should Avoid

Saying to a New Mom

1.  "Sleep when the baby sleeps."
  • I swore to myself, over and over again, that if one more person told me to, "Sleep when the baby sleeps!" that I was going to slug them.  Turns out that I'm too polite of a person (or too much of a chicken) to do that.  I do understand the concept behind this advice (and I tried my best to follow it).  It's actually very sound advice; however, let the pediatrician and the other doctors/nurses give this advice to the new mom, because, if she was cranky and tired like I was, this will annoy her after the 1000th time that she hears it.

2.  "Breast is best!"
  • I don't disagree with this statement, but this saying gets very old, very quickly for some women, especially if they are already having a hard-time with breastfeeding.  

    3.  "Cherish these moments."
    • I understand the idea of "living in the moment" and I am a huge advocate of parents not getting too caught-up in the day-to-day chores and of parents making the effort to enjoy the time that they spend with their children (see my post You're Gonna Miss This - A Reminder for Parents for more about my strong feelings about this matter); however, a tired new mom does not need to be reminded of this.  It might make her feel guilty if all she can think about at that moment is a shower or a hot dinner.  Unless you are going to watch her newborn baby for the next 12-hours (and miraculously produce her breast-milk from your own body, if she is breastfeeding)...while she takes a shower, shaves, eats a hot dinner, and gets caught-up on 8-hours of sleep, then I suggest that you lay off of this advice.

    4.  "A woman at my work had twins, and she was back to work in 3-days!"
    • If you say this to a new mom, be prepared for the look of death (a.k.a., the look that a person gives to you when they are attempting to kill you with their eyes).  I swear to God that someone said this to me - and they actually said it to me multiple times, on multiple occasions.  By the third (or maybe fourth) instance that this person told me this 'story,' I lost it - I lost my mind, and it did not end well for that person. 

    5. "I'm so tired."
    • Unless you also have a newborn that wakes up every 1-2 hours to eat, then just shut up. 

    6.  "You'll lose that baby weight in no time!"

    • What I wish I would have said to this comment: "Yeah, so will you!" (this would have been a terrible come-back if the person happened to be skinny - in which case, I have been trying to think of a great comeback to skinny people for the past 2 years....).

    7.  "They're sleeping through the night at this point, right?"
    • Do not say this. Just don't. 


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      1. Oh my gosh, I need to know what you said when you lost it and how the other person reacted! That was too much!! Freakin 3 days, my butt!

        1. So, the super-woman that allegedly returned to work 3-days after having twins is named, "Anna Smith" (not her real name); I've never met, or even seen, Anna Smith.

          Next, there is the person who told me about "Anna Smith" on multiple occasions. We'll call this guy, "Mr. Footinmouth." Mr. Footinmouth's exact words were: "A woman at my work had twins, and she was back to work in 3-days!"

          His dumb words were said to me during a period in my life where I had a very hungry newborn (and breastfeeding challenges), was obtaining my Master's Degree (and I was barely hanging on), had final exams on the same day that my daughter turned 3-weeks-old, and I had just started a new job - after moving across country while I was 5-weeks pregnant. These are first world problems - I do realize this - but I was struggling.

          The whole thing is very fuzzy in my memory. I had honestly forgotten about completely snapping on "Mr. Footinmouth" until we were both at a social gathering at the same time. The name, "Anna Smith" (aka, the previously mentioned Super-Woman), was brought up through a random conversation from surrounding friends; and then I suddenly saw Mr. Footinmouth's face turn white; he completely avoided all eye-contact and he looked really nervous. At first, I was confused by his reaction, but then, the memory came flooding back to me, and that's when I remembered.

          My mom, who was at the social gathering too, also noticed Mr. Footinmouth's colorless face; my mom had also been at the scene where I had ripped Mr. Footinmouth a new one initially. I had to ask my mom for details on what I had said exactly to Mr. Footinmouth that day, and this is what I've gathered:

          All I know is that the following words were involved:
          - Bullshit
          - Total bullshit
          - (something about a nanny)
          - Are you seriously saying this to me?
          - (something about feeling bad for his wife...)
          - If you seriously say that to me one more time...
          - (something about his lack of social intelligence)
          - How many diapers have you changed in your life?
          - ...yeah, that's what I thought.

          Mr. Footinmouth's Reaction:
          - A brief stutter of words that didn't make sense...
          - followed by silence
          - (I don't think he was expecting my response)
          - (He "fled the scene")
          - (He has been significantly more considerate in his verbiage ever since)

      2. Hahahaha! Oh my gosh, rolling on the floor laughing. Good thing your mom was there to remind you of what you said (kinda). That list was awesome.

        Mr. Footinmouth!! Haahahaha. Oh my goodness you are too hilarious!

      3. Mr. Mia has asked me to explicitely state that he is not "Mr. Footinmouth," and for his name be cleared from the suspect list of "Who is Mr. Footinmouth?" Mr. Mia fears misplaced retaliation by angry pregnant women. Mr. Mia is very, very afraid of angry pregnant women.

        I don't want Mr. Mia to have nightmares, so I will say again:

        Mr. Mia is NOT Mr. Footinmouth.

        He knows better.

      4. Anonymous07 June

        I raised Mr. Mia to know better and Mommy Mia is doing a good job of keeping him in line!

        1. You did a great job! #Warm'n'fuzzies. :)

      5. Gayle31 July

        haha! Love this! So true. Some people just do not think sometimes.


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